So.. it has basically been forever since I've done anything with this.. but ahhh why not give it a shot again... so a lot has happend obviously since the last entry... but things are really good..

I have grown up so much. ( thank god!) I have learned, and I can for sure say that I am not who I used to.. and that's good. I'm now 18 and loving life. I have made a lot of new relationships and I am slowly but surly coming out of my shell.

For those of you who know me you may be thinking I'm crazy and going.. Alicia? shell??? but its true for a while I was cold and distant.. but it is so amazing how God places people in your life. I have been praying for so long for God to break me again, for my heart to become warm and loving towards people again, instead of always thinking the worst.

It has just been recently, but I have started to talk to a few people about myself, and my emotions. and I from that I am learning to trust in people.

So thank you, you know who you are and I love and care about you very deeply.

Thanks for you patience. Thanks for your love. Thanks for you time.

love.

Currently Playing Straylight Run By Straylight Run see related

- the perfect ending

so much to say....

     It has taken so long for me to finally be able to express in any form what I have been feeling or thinking. The worst thing that could happen to me did. A lot of you probably already know what it is, and if you don't well our church is like a goddamn small village so you'll find out soon.

     I was filled with anger, frustration, deep sadness, and most of all excruciating confusion. we constantly sing the lyrics

     "you give and take away, you give and take away but my heart will choose to say.. lord blessed be your name..."

     You give and take away.... well i have seen a lot of taking away, I am normally really good at perspective of a situation and being optimistic about it. but this time.. i couldn't do it. I don't think the optimism has come yet. I am feeling so many different things, and then just in minutes will it change to some other emotion. I know i pretty much just gave the deffinition for PMS but no.. thats not it.. unless you've experienced something like this you have no idea. I feel like I am going insane. I am constatly worrying to the point that I have made my self physically sick. I pray every second... it seems to be usless and i am loosing faith rapidly.

     There is a lot of pain going on in my life which includes all the people i am surrounded by, friends who are truly hurting due to one thing or another. I remember how excited everyone was for 2005... now it just seems to be as shitty as 2004. I know things are going to get better and i know that things could be a million times worse but that still does't change the current situation.

     The other thing is that i cannot go around looking upset. the world doesn't let me. I am forced to put on a smiling face so that i can avoid the ever so popular question "whats wrong? are you okay?" well guess what???

NO IM NOT O-FUCKING-K!!! <<thank you my chemical romance

     I am really hurting and I am really upset but i go to school and church and rehersal with a smile on my face becuase i don't want to deal with that damn question of how i am.

     I really do want to thank all of you who have been there for me emotionally, mentally and physically. like Donnie for instance... i was at epic a couple of weeks ago... actually that weekend i just got the terrible news. And i just started thinking about it again and i lost it. i looked around and saw donnie in the corner. so i went to him and asked if he could pray for me. he took my in his arms and held me and just prayed over me. Oh my word you do not understand the amount of comfort and peace and protection that i felt.

so thank you donnie, leanna, jess, allison, courtney and all you guys for your support, kind words and prayers... but the end is far from near so.. keep it up!

later

Currently Playing A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra By Frank Sinatra see related

- j.i.n.g.l.e b.e.l.l.s.

hello all

     i met a boy. i like the boy. you can ask more questions about the boy later. but thats what i have to say now. Plus me makes me smile.... A LOT!!    

Talked with MY  jessica (damn straight chris she was mine before you!!!) the other day. things are pretty goovey rite now. there was a wierd funk for awhile but we always get over it and get through it. I love her. She is so much apart of my life that I will never be able to forget her!

i met a boy... ahh k sorry moving on....

I am extremly excited because jeron and I are so well rite now our relationship is great we talk for hours now and he means so much to me. He's grown up so much and I admire him and I love him. No one will never touch me and impact me in my life as much as he has...

boy... haha

and uhh oh yea... talked with Leanna and Nate.. yep is official. I love them.

oh i get to teach on the 23rd muy excited... later

love.

Currently Playing Home for Christmas By Amy Grant see related

- rockn' around the christmas tree

wow i haven't written in forever!

     Okay well Turkey day was some good times having the family over and all. Played some games, which i suck at by the way. and the food.. HELLO freakn' awesome cuz thats my mother for you!

     But the holiday is over and we've moved on! come on i mean.. it was so yesterday! hahah and now it is Christmas time in my house, we already have the garlands up the slieghs and i have lights and a miniture tree in my room oh dear christmas is in full swing!

     I am makn' some good money! I have been house sitting/taking care of dogs for the week im off and for THREE different houses!!! freakn' awesome! especially that one has a hot tub and the other has a trampoline!

     Life has been really... INTERESTING??? latly i dunno everything has been consistant and its wierd... and oooo I MET A BOY!! he's very nice.. that's all i am going to say rite now.. plus i think i might be gettn' a lecture from leanna and all you if i said more.. so.. mums the word for now...

jeremy i don't hate you.. i like knowing that you make mistakes!

Currently Playing A Walk to Remember By Various Artists see related

- only hope

Hello all...

     So... my month has been going pretty well I can now cross of my list the breast cancer walk, pomona, and the retreat which was very very fun and we missed all of you who could not go.

     However there was some bad/unhappy stuff that happend.. in short Jeron and I haven't spoken since thursday. but what are you gonna do?

     Jess and I haven't really talked lately mostly cuz its always her and chris and then the time that she isn't with him i am gasping for air in between the millions of things I have to do.. but whatever things like this happen, you have low points in your relationships with people and so therefore im not stressed...

     Really excited because this summer I am going to London, Paris, and Argentina... wow.. I am scard but really anticipating all of it as well.

     School is going well, I am really enjoying where I am in the Jr. High ministry and I am just praying that everything keeps going well...and that Jeron and I actually talk soon... but no complants!

later